One of the burning questions a lot of parents want to know is, do behavior charts REALLY work? In this blog post, we’re diving into this topic and breaking down if behavior charts work and some different ways to increase the chances of them being successful with you and your child. 

My son Kai is 6 years old, and we have been implementing a behavior chart (aka, a sticker chart) with him for about a week now. I want to share some of our experiences thus far in hopes that it will help you implement a behavior chart successfully with your child as well. 

Kai is very independent, so there have been many instances of questioning, resistance, not listening, and implementing his strong will. All of these instances are beautiful and will serve him in the future. However, in our family unit, we need some structure and boundaries. While our typical method of conscious communication is a really effective tool that we continue to utilize, we came to learn that Kai was going to need a little bit more support. 

My lovely sister-in-law and I began problem solving and decided it would be worth it to try out a behavior chart. Originally I had some resistance around implementing something like a sticker chart, because I didn't want to highlight bad behaviors or even label behaviors as good and bad. My mantra with Kai is that at every moment, you have a choice, and your choices may have positive consequences or negative consequences. This is something I want him to be able to innately consider before he makes a choice. Even though I had some resistance around the behavior chart, we have found a solution that's working really great for our family thus far. The best part is, it’s in alignment with the bigger vision of our parenting goals.

Do Behavior Charts Work?

So far, for our family, the behavior chart has been working. There are two really important things that I think you should consider before setting up a behavior chart. First and foremost, consider your implementation strategy. I think a child can be demotivated to participate in any sort of behavioral system if it's too complicated. Keep the rules for engagement or play very simple. In looking at our behavior chart, we started with two main rules. 

The first rule is, you can earn stickers by having a positive attitude, demonstrating good listening skills, helping, or going above and beyond and being really thoughtful. The second rule is that in order for Kai to be eligible for any sort of screen time, he has to earn at least two of the three stickers in any given day. You want to make it age appropriate for your child. For Kai, being six and a half years old, it's easy for him to understand these two basic rules and to keep them in the forefront of his mind as he goes about his day and makes choices. 

How to Implement a Behavior Chart

When it comes to implementing a behavior chart, keep it as simple for yourself as possible. We structure the behavior chart by looking at it one week at a time. There are three slots each day, AM, afternoon, and PM. In each of those slots, Kai has an opportunity to earn a sticker. Again, he has to earn two out of three stickers to be eligible for any sort of screen time. At the end of each week, we tally the stickers up and he can look at his reward section to decide if he wants to spend his points or save them for something larger. 

If you watched my Youtube video about how to teach kids about money, this system is very effective because it fosters the same mindset in terms of being able to save, invest, or spend. It encourages kids to ask themselves how they feel after they spend and if they like spending money on smaller things or prefer to save for larger things. 

It's a great real-time experiment about what it means to exchange the things that we've earned for things that we desire. 

Another tip for implementing a sticker chart with your child is to make them part of the process. Ask your child what rewards are motivating for them that they would love to work towards earning. We structure the reward section with a 10, 20, 30, 40, and 50 point section. I sat down with Kai and asked him, “What sounds exciting to you? What would be really cool to earn? What's something that you really desire?” We broke up each of those desires into a point section. It may be a 10 point desire, like a smoothie or a costume for Halloween. It may be a 50 point desire, like a bigger experience, such as going to a water park or doing go-kart racing.

This was such a big piece of our success because you could see his whole body light up. He was so excited to see each item listed in the section and to feel as though every day, he has an opportunity to work towards that. This led to a really big shift in his behavior right off the bat. 

Holding a Greater Vision

The second piece of reaching success with a behavior chart is holding a greater vision. I don't think that a sticker chart is going to necessarily work if you don’t have a larger parenting vision. A vast majority of parents will not take the time to sit down and think about a clear parenting vision. When you are implementing a behavior chart, you need to ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” It has to be bigger than simply wanting your child to behave better or obey you. It has to be linked to a bigger parenting vision in order to truly be successful.

If parents would take the time to get really clear on their bigger parenting vision, so much of the noise in our day to day life would be reduced. We'd spend less time on Youtube or Googling things like, “Does this work? Should we try this? What are the pros and cons?” All of that noise gets reduced because we understand whether a tool or a system is aligned with our bigger vision. 

An example of this is that we chose to trial this behavior chart with Kai because ultimately, we want to help him nurture and foster a bigger sense of confidence. While the behavior chart starts as an external motivator for him to do things that are aligned with his priorities, his values, and his internal guidance system, once he gains the confidence that he can actually behave in a way that feels good to him, that helps reinforce what feels right for him and what feels wrong for him. Then, he won’t need external motivation anymore. He'll be sound in what feels good and what's natural in terms of his behavior that his moral sense of right or wrong, or for him, positive consequences and negative consequences, will be enough for him to continue behaving in a way that benefits him and society at large. 

Right now, at 6 years old, I'm totally okay with giving him an external system and motivator to start with. This shows him how powerful he is and that even if the day doesn't start off great, he has everything he needs to pivot and make the rest of the day go so much better than it started. For us right now, this is such a beautiful start to our bigger parenting vision. 

If you are feeling called to get clarity on and craft your own parenting vision, my Visionaries Masterclass will support you deeply in this process.

I want to leave you with this bonus piece about implementing a behavior chart. In our week so far of implementing this with Kai, the greatest gift has been the reduction of resistance, less friction and battle of wills between us as parents and Kai, and more space for deeper connection. I feel lighter. I'm sure Kai feels lighter. The conversations have been deeper. The moments of pausing and putting our heads on one another and cuddling have been greater. Ultimately, that's what matters most. I want more moments of connection, bonding, and love. If this system helps us foster and nurture that, I am all for it. Stay tuned for part two to come where I’ll share an update and if this system continues to work for our family. 

If you want to dive into this topic of using and implementing behavior charts with your children, check out my Youtube video here!