3 Parenting Tips That Changed Our Lives

Apr 29, 2022

Generations of parents have worked to provide for and take care of their children. For older generations, having open and frank discussions about problems in the family wasn’t common in child care. If there were issues affecting kids of that era, they more than likely didn’t feel that they could confide in their parents without retribution. These parents also projected their traumas onto their children. This created adults that learned to suppress their feelings and those adults employed the same parenting style with their own children. Today, we know that good mental health is critical, and that it starts with examining our traumas and dealing with them openly. This is especially essential for parents. If you're wanting to become a better parent and break the cycle of emotional suppression and projection, these three things have changed the game for our family. 

 

  1. Identify old traumas. We all have experienced some level of pain and trauma as children and in our journey to becoming parents. These wounds can vary in depth and can even go back generations in some cases. The first thing you can do to become a better parent is to become aware of these wounds and generational traumas. It's so easy to become conditioned, to suppress feelings, to suppress hurt, to suppress trauma. At some point, it begins to feel normal. The problem is that all of these intense emotions that we have learned to suppress over the years will begin to rise to the surface at some point. When our energy isn’t clean and we’re suppressing hurt, we start to leak this energy unconsciously and so often, this gets transferred to our children. We end up projecting our hurt, wounds, and unhealed traumas onto our kids unconsciously, much like our families probably did to us. So, sit with yourself. Look back at the years of your life and examine what caused you pain and dig to the root of the issue. You and your children will be better for it.

 

  1. Allow yourself to really feel these emotions. It’s one thing to become aware that we have repressed these intense emotions over the years, but it’s quite another thing to allow yourself the space to bring it all to the surface and feel it. It’s so hard when we’ve worked for years or even decades to suppress it and tell ourselves “I’m fine”. This is the name of the game. We consider ourselves a “wuss” if we feel that we’re showing weakness if we admit that we have this pain. Again, if we don’t acknowledge what we truly feel inside and continue to suppress it, these emotions will boil over at some point and our kids are likely going to get the short end of the stick. You have to dig deep and dive into mechanisms of healing to release these deep-seated emotions. 

 

  1. Transform this energy into something positive. We can transform it into our passion, our awareness, our ability to become more in touch with who we are at our core and own it so that we can become a model for our children to do the same. What all of us have in common here in this community is that we want the best for our children and acknowledge that our children are their own souls that come with their own needs and desires. How can we support our children in maintaining their most authentic selves as they grow, as they experience different events within their world? How do we tap back into our most authentic selves and shed the layers of auditioning that we have grown accustomed to throughout the years, to blend in, to fit in, to feel loved and accepted?

 

When we work to heal our trauma, we stop projecting it onto our children. When we heal ourselves, we allow our kids to grow with no legacy hangups. This is truly the work of a lifetime. It isn’t just about you becoming a better parent, it’s about you living your most authentic life. When we do that, we give our children permission to do the same and that’s so important.

For more information on these three tips watch my Youtube video here.